Babs, thanks for not being a jerk. I forgive my mom for all the crap she exploded on us but it took a long time. Actually, it took me becoming a parent and realizing just how hard it must have been for her to raise three kids all by herself. Now I just feel so sorry for her when she gets into these situations (and there is ALWAYS a situation) and anger controls her. Sometimes the stuff that comes out of her mouth...aye, aye, aye. And it's your mom, for Pete's Sake! It's hard to correct a parent, or at least it is when she's so hard headed and dominant. All this woman has to do is raise her voice at me and something inside cowers. I don't want my kids to feel like that, but rather have a healthy respectful fear until they are grown and we can move on to being more like friends.
Of the three kids, I was always closest to my mom (it's a cultural thing--being the youngest and being a boy, my mom still introduces me to others as her Bab
Oh how ^^that^^
rings true! Rather than cower, however, I've been confrontational all my life, and still am. BUT things have improved immensely over the past two years. Sad, things didn't start to turn around until I was 41 and she was 66.
But "it is what it is," as they say.
I've been in Chicago for nearly 20 years now (my entire family still lives in Cali). When I'd visit--as infrequently as possible--I could only tolerate being around for 2 days. A two day visit was nice. Things really started to grate on me by day three, however. For Christmas 2008, I decided to spend a week with my mom. My siblings were all "Really?
Are you sure you don't want to stay with one of us?" It was really nice, definitely my best--and longest--visit since I moved to Illinois in 1989. My brother and his family are nearby, so I got to see them, and my sister and her bf came up from SoCal for a couple of days, as well. Then last summer, I took me mum to Venice for a week. All everyone wanted to know when we got back was, "How bad did you two fight?" We didn't at all! We just had a great time. So I guess my point is
I've worked a lot of stuff out with her now.
Since I retired from relationships in 2000--EPIC FAIL--I haven't needed to work this stuff out with a gf. Not surprisingly, I like women who will stand up to me. You don't know someone is confrontational when you start dating. It's not until you get into a few of those
that you discover this. And I've never had a gf leave me after a couple-three fights, or months and sometimes years of this. I do like being single today, however. Really never was between 17-34. But maybe now that I've worked things out with my mom, I can move on, finally, at age 43, and see if I've made any progress with a significant other. It's all very Freudian, I know.