Found a whole bunch of funny quotes. Kinda long, but worth a read. I bolded the ones I really liked.
Rod-dick... I had years of psychological issues with that.
There's no doubt there are issues with clay. Our issues have issues that are issues right now. That's not a secret.
The key to the match might have been his serving. Maybe I should have concentrated harder on watching them go by me, I don't know.
The cheerleaders. Wait, there are none.
On what really keeps him playing tennis
At one point in your life you have the thing you want or the reasons why you don't.
I was happy to get to No. 4 because Brad, that was what he had on me - 'Yeah, yeah, I was 4 in the world, you're only 5.' So he's lost that line this week.
I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub.I went in on his forehand and he passed me; I went in on his backhand and he passed me; I stayed back and he passed me even though I was at the baseline.
What will I do on my day off? Not do press conferences.
If I didn't want pressure, I'd go make sandwiches somewhere.
No, they have TV, which is nice. You get to the Round of 16, and Mom's all pumped because she can watch on TV. Other than that, they sit in front of the computer and watch the scoreboard tick away, which, if you ask me, would be extremely annoying, but, you know.
On his parents watching his matches
Elmo's a very important person in my life. You've got to have Elmo's respect. You don't want to piss him off.
Maybe I'll just punch him or something.
It's really hard to try and kick someone's ass who you like so much!
My hobbies include underwater fire extinguishing.The wind was blowing, the dogs were barking, something got in my eye.
Explaining his defeat at Wimbledon 2002
You'll see 18 guys walking before me, I'll be the one pointed out. I guess they think I'm trying to sneak into the locker room.
What are you? Are you an absolute moron?
A remark to the umpire at the US Open 2002
Valentine's Day was created by women to get men in trouble.
As good as anybody not named Roger.
On his chances as the US Open 2005
When I was a kid, it was challenging to find out when and where you could find tennis on TV.
Call me All American, but I love ham and cheese sandwiches. And not just any old ham and cheese sandwich... My mother's is the best. I've tried many times to make these sandwiches on my own, but it's never the same.
When you come off something really disappointing, you want to come back and kind of regroup and get involved in something positive right away.
You know, you can only throw in so many haymakers before one misses and you get knocked out.
I don't know if my fans think that long-term in regards to me.
When asked if he ever received marriage proposals from fans
Oh my God! I just won the US Open!
After winning the US Open 2003I said, "Get him, help me out." Compliments, no, I just wanted the bee to get him. I mean...
On wanting the bee to sting Federer in their Wimbledon 2003 matchIf wore a sleeveless shirt, people would try to feed me after the match. If you got the guns, go for it. I got two breadsticks sticking out of my sleeve. I'll stick with sleeves.
I love this s**t!
People say Lleyton Hewitt and Andy should have a great rivalry but how can you have a great rivalry if one guy wins all the time?
The things that annoys me the most is when you see these players throw the racket with no intentions of breaking it. Don't half-ass it, just go for it. In 2002, I broke 39 rackets.
I'd like to congratulate Roger, you're certainly becoming very annoying!
I take my tennis very seriously. It's the rest of my life that's a little shaky.
When I was 12 years old, I got really pissed at my opponent and I chased him with a tennis racquet. My mom pulled me off the court, and I was done with the tournament. It's not cool when you're 12 and your mom drags you off the court.I haven't played strip tennis yet - I have to leave some goals unreached for the future!
I get cooler with every match I win, but I'm still the biggest dork who ever lived.
Having two older brothers is a healthy reminder that you're always closer to the bottom than you are to the top.I don't think that I am God's gift to the world just because I can hit a little yellow fuzzy thing across a net a couple of times. I don't buy into that whole thing. That's not me.I'm kind of like in this alternate state on court. I get so pumped up. I'm yelling at myself and cussing at myself, or I'm euphoric and jumping into the stands. If I see a replay of me, I'm like, 'What was I doing?' Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do, but to hold on when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, thats true strength.
Winners never quit, quitters never win.If someone wants your autograph it takes two seconds to scribble your name and you're making someone happy. Whoever says that's a burden, I don't agree with that.
You can't have fear, or you're not going to do anything.
You can talk about it for so long but, you know, there comes a time where you just have to suck it up and try to implement it.
I have denial problems. I have very selective memory. I have no idea what you're talking about.
You know the thing we use to hold up our backs? It's called a spine. You should look into one!
Yelling at a chair umpire
All is not lost, because I lost today.
I like to sing no matter how bad I sound.I'm a little bit of a goofball. I was the class clown at high school. Smart comments and stuff. There was this one teacher that would make me write 500 word essays as punishment whenever I spoke out of turn or did something bad. So one Sunday I decided I'd write five or six of 'em and when she said: 'Right, 500-word essay!' I just pulled one right out of my desk. She made me write 1,000 for that one. I was a smart-ass.
The only pressure I feel is what I put on myself.
Anyone who thinks I actually plan stuff out on the court is about as sharp as a marble. I'm totally focused on winning matches out there. That's tough enough without trying to do something else.
You know that you've made it good when your on a Wheaties box. That would be sweet.
I still have a way to go because I still like cartoons.
Losses like this just inspire me more. I just want to keep getting better and better, and I feel like I'm on the right track.
Every time I look at the bracelet it reminds me of the reality that so many children need help.
If you can't beat the best, then you can't be the best.
You've got to admit this is rather ridiculous to live the kind of life that gives me the chance to play a sport I love, make good money and meet all sorts of famous and interesting people.
It's nice when you have 30-odd girls in bikinis cheering for you.
I have a bunch of half-naked women. He has a bunch of men. I know who I'd rather have dinner with.
I was watching naughty tapes with my brother last week. Made me feel a lot better about my game.
I have no problem talking.
I was so torn with the match up. Obviously you want to play against your idols, but then again you don't want to be the guy who shot Bambi.
- On possibly playing and having to beat Andre Agassi at the US Open 2006
I fell out of bed the first night I was sleeping here. That's about as close to skydiving I got this week.
You throw enough crap against the wall, something's gonna stick one of these times.
I've definitely learned how to lose.
I don't know if I am politically correct enough to commentate. If a guy's playing like crap, I'm going to say he's playing like crap.
If someone gets under your skin, you give it back. It's not pleasant, but it's sports.
I am the guy who is not fun to do stuff with because I'm too competitive. We can play, but if you beat me, I'd need a moment.
This is the first ever year where I felt old. I'm giving advice. Jesus. You know how scary that thought is?
Don't go checking me for grey hairs - I'll push you away. It's weird sitting here being asked about the younger generation already!
I'm lucky enough to get my birthday wish every year, which is to play at the US Open.
I can't not know how to do anything on the tennis court and be an underachiever.
I think I was nine years old and I went with my tennis club to that tie [in 1992] in Dallas. It changed my life.
Being with the other fans in an arena like that, seeing your heroes play, hearing the anthem for the first time, it really was the first time I'd been at a sporting event which was just, you know, completely about patriotism and that whole thing. I think I fell in love with it then.
On going to the Davis Cup final in Ft. Worth, TX in 1992.
I've kind of found this comfort level with playing Davis Cup, whereas early on in my career I would be maybe get a little bit too overanxious. I feel comfortable playing for the U.S. flag now. Maybe that showed in the last couple of ties that I've been able to clinch.
I was freaking out. I had to leave after the first set and take like a 10-minute break to compose myself. It's a lot easier playing out there than it is watching, that's for sure.
- On watching the Davis Cup doubles against Sweden.I don't even live at home anymore and I'm still afraid of my dad.
- When asked about Mardy Fish being afraid of his dad.
It's tough to view yourself. From the inside looking out, it's tough to see.
I'm not going to let anything change who I am.
If you guys were the second best journalists in the world, I bet you'd be pretty happy. It's a fine line, but also it's almost like a backhanded compliment.
I just come in and whatever pops into my head, I say.
You can't worry too much about stuff that you have no control over.
I'll be the first to admit that the life I'm leading is basically a joke. I should probably be a lot cooler about it, but I can't fake it, you know?I like to divide it between the two a little bit, you know. One gets jealous so I have to sprain the other one too.
- On repeatedly spraining his ankles.Don't sweat the petty. Pet the sweaty.
How to challenge line calls? No, he's taught me how to yell at referees.
- When asked if Jimmy had taught him how to challenge calls with Hawkeye.
I always lie about this one. I always just say whatever just happened is my favorite. So right now I'm glad I had a tough one, whereas last year when I had an easy one, I said I was glad I had an easy one. So I'm glad I had a tough one.
- When asked if he'd prefer an easy or hard first round match.
I always root for Dudi. You can't say "root" here. I always go for Dudi. Whatever. There's your headline.
I'm so proud to be part of this team, I'm so proud of my teammates, I wouldn't trade this team for any in the world. I love these guys.Pretty sure I'm not as fit as the Men's Fitness cover suggests. Little did I know I have 22 inch guns and a disappearing birth mark on my right arm.
I caught an absolute beating tonight. There's no doubt about it. There's no two ways about it. You deal with it and you go back to the drawing board. You act like a professional, and you try to keep working hard.
I wake up and work my butt off on a daily basis.
I would pay a lot of money if everyone would just make up stuff that I said and pretend like I was actually here. That would be fine. My dad didn't raise me to run away from it, so here I am.
- When asked how much he would have paid not to come to a press conference after the AO 2007 semi against Federer.
There's a lot of strategy talk. It's not so much like, If you're down 6-4, 6-0, 2-0. We didn't really talk about that. Oops.
If there were rankings for press conferences, I wouldn't have to worry about dropping out of the top five, I hope.